May 31, 2012

we’re going to be okay

everything is going to be okay

because i love you

and you love me

no matter what

and all i have to do is just have to keep remembering and reminding myself of that

May 30, 2012

I’m just

tired

of a lot

I’m sure you are too

May 30, 2012

im sorry

May 29, 2012

now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to play in the rain

May 29, 2012

i have to be more patient understanding and forgiving well id like the same for you

you’re telling me “maddie you don’t need to know everything stop” when I’m asking you what’s wrong is not an answer especially when theres that fucking double standard that fucking we’re not going to hide anything from each other anymore and i fi did that it would be the end of the world you know

because i care about you

you don’t care? fine if you don’t care, if you think theres thirty things that are more important then something I’m a little upset about then i want talk to you about it anymore i love you you’re the one person i should be able to talk to i should be able to come to you when I’m upset I’m doing what you said, I’m forgetting about it all, not letting it affect me but you don’t fucking care? thats fucked up ESPECIALLY when all I’m trying to do is be there for you because that’s my job

i don’t know you well enough

i don’t know you really

sex is not why i left my work for my show i have to hang on friday why i really could have stayed to work on i left because you were very upset very clearly upset so i went to go make sure you were okay, so you could talk to me i love you more than anything i care about you more than anything i don’t think you get that   why isn’t a good day enough for me its wonderful of course its great its more than enough for me but you just avoid everything every time theres an issue

May 27, 2012

what do i miss

  • i miss knowing that you would make sure to talk to me everyday no matter what
  • i miss tickle fights
  • and zombieing
  • and you calling me your little monster
  • and falling asleep with you
  • and having the stupidest conversation in the word with you
  • i miss our really long hugs
  • and when you used to text me i love you
  • or goodnight
  • or good morning
  • or just really long messages about how much  you cared to me all at random
  • and wrestling
  • lying in the grass at myer looking at the stars
  • running around hurley
  • talking about our future
  • what superpowers our potential children may have
  • what we may name our potential children
  • three hour Skype/phone conversations
  • taking stupid pictures
  • not fighting
  • being happy
  • giggling
  • when you played piano at random for me
  • when we would dance in your living room
  • you always wanting to hang out with me
  • even if i was busy
  • being happy all the time

May 25, 2012

but thank you for a fun few hours

May 25, 2012

that’s not what i needed to hear that’s not what i wanted to hear that’s not making me feel better

May 24, 2012

theres too much going on in my head

im angry

just angry

just so fucking angry

and i hate feeling like this i hate being like this i miss being happy i miss things being normal i miss things being easy and okay and even better than normal 

i want everything to go back to the way it was 

May 22, 2012

everything is so much more fucked up then i thought it was

i just didn’t want to admit it